E-mail your funny stuff to jeep@dirtroad.com!
- I eat my roadkill
- Stupidity should be painful.
- When I grow up, I want to be a Grand Cherokee
- I love animals, they're delicious!
- I don't brake.
- Would you drive better with that cellphone up your butt?
- Pass with caution, driver chews tobacco.
- Normal people scare me.
- My mom thinks I'm at the movies!
- It's time to pull over and change the air in your head.
- Not all Dumbs are Blonde!
- Earth First - We'll Jeep the rest of the universe later!
- Caution - Low Flying Jeep!
- I'm not driving fast, I'm flying low.
- Horn broken - watch for finger!
- So many lawyers, so few bullets.
- So many pedestrians, so little time.
- What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
- I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
- Manure Occureth.
- This is not an abandoned vehicle.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
- Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
- I brake for Hallucinations.
- I brake for no apparent reason.
- Welcome to Colorado - Now Go Home
- This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random
- Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
- Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
- Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
- I'm can't be lost, I'm right here!
- I killed a 6 pack just to watch it die.
- It's been Monday all week.
- Body by Ben & Jerry
- Keep honking while I reload.
- Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday...and all is well.
- If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
- If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Reader Submissions:
- My kid can beat up your honor student.
- If you can't stop.....smile as you go under.
- According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
- Caution: I drive like you do.
- Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus.
- Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
- Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.
- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
- I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
- If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
- It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
- It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
- Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
- Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
- The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
- The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
- The worst day Jeeping is better than the best day working.
- This is NOT an abandoned vehicle.
Common Ad Mistakes
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Who?
"BFGoodwrench" (GMC Tires?) = BFGoodrich
"Waren Winch" = Warn Winch
"Warren Wintch" = Warn Winch
"Super Wench" = Superwinch
"Bf goodrietch" = BFGoodrich
"Super Swamper Thornburgs" = Thornbirds
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Just Empty Every Pocket
Just Every Essential Part
Know of any good ones? Let us know!
Reader Additions:
Jeepers Enjoy Every Pleasure
Just Everybody Else's Parts
Just Evokes Enormous Pleasure
Jump Each & Every Puddle
Jump Every Embankment Possible
Jeep Etiquette Encourages Politeness
Join Endorphin Enhanced Play
Journeys Everywhere Eleviate Pressure
Journey Ended Exhausted Pooped-out
Jacked-up Elevated Entertainment Provider
Jeep Encourages Earning Paycheck
Just Everybodys Extra Parts
Just Eventually Every Part
Jerks Engineered Every Part
Jurassic Evolved Engineering Project
Just Exit Even Pavement
Just Enough Energy Provided
Jolly Elves Engineered Power
Jumps Everything Except Payday
Jumble Each Exhausted Passenger
Jams/Eats/Ejects Parts
Jungle Entrances Evoke Pleasure
Jr. Enjoys Every Pothole
Jostled/Exicited/Exhilerated Passenger
Just Enter Every Path
Jobs Eventually End Pleasure
Jeeps Evoke Endless Pleasure
Jeep Poem, by Mrs. AGB3:
My husband has a mistress
With whom he does not sleep,
He'll ride her and rock her
Because she is his JEEP.
We can't go out to dinner
The bills can't be sent,
Shocks, suspension and lift kit,
The paycheck has been spent.
All the mods being added
Makes the Jeep start to rise,
All I can think about is:
What a workout for my thighs.
It's really getting late
And he still isn't home,
He must be in the woods
Looking for a place to roam.
Here he comes now
And he's got mud on his shirt,
He must have had the top off
When he went playing in the dirt.
I went to look at "Swee'Pea",
His nickname for his Jeep,
The mud puddle he found
Must have been waist deep.
Mud was caked on the fenders,
The seat and the hood,
His Jeep can go anywhere
That others wish they could.
The next morning he will drive her
To work for others to see,
And then come home that evening
And scrub her clean as clean can be.
The top being off in winter
In rain, sleet or snow,
Gets lots of strange looks
But makes my husband glow.
We took the Jeep on our honeymoon,
We went to Myrtle Beach,
Hurricane Floyd was in the forecast
And us he would eventually reach.
Trees, debris and water
Filled the entire road,
But Al took out the Jeep
And she would not be slowed.
We drove without the doors on
In the pouring rain,
He handed me an umbrella
When I started to complain.
I should get as much attention
But I guess I have no choice,
I guess I should count my blessings
That her name isn't Monica or Joyce.
- "Jeep Trail"
- Where can I get a Jeep like that?
- Nice Jeep!
Do you have a Funny Jeep Story you'd like to share? If we use your story,
we'll send you a free gift! Hey, it may not have been funny to you at the time, but now...?
By Chad Scroggie
Click here for a Jeep Word Search
Click here for a Jeep Crossword Puzzle
By Dan Bowers
"Are you sure this is the right trail?"
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Dirt Road Magazine is sponsored by Turner 4WD Parts Co.
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